Kitten,

I’ve always wanted to dominate women sexually, but subscribed, albeit without much conviction, to the popular wisdom that says men and women are equal partners–in love as in everything else. I made love in a physically dominating way, but focused my attention on pleasing the women. I think I thus justified to myself the liberties I took, by making sure that I was a gratifying lover: in a sense, I “bought” their acquiescence with the pleasure I gave them. So I enjoyed an implicit control, but one of persuasion rather than authority, and, while I might briefly exert physical control over a woman’s body, I never issued instructions or expected any kind of obedience from her.

I always wanted something else. I always, from my earliest sexual experiences, wanted a woman’s willing and essentially unconditional sexual submission. And I always imagined that this was an aberrant desire, and that the kind of woman who interested me–an intelligent, competent, confident woman–wouldn’t have any wish to submit herself to me, or to any man. I thought that, if such a woman did submit to me, it would be with reservations, merely an act of generosity on her part to fulfill a perhaps unsettling wish on mine.

And then I met you, Kitten, and the tumblers all lined up, and suddenly I understood what is possible: possible and, therefore, in this instance, necessary.

Because I believe you, Kitten. Even though I can’t entirely empathize with your feelings, I can understand, intellectually, how you can find both security and sexual excitement in your submission to me. It makes sense to me in a way that lets me believe it’s genuine, and that you really would, if you could, submit absolutely to me, trusting that my love and duty to you will protect you from too great an excess of my authority.

What that belief means to me, Kitten, is that I can, for the first time, be myself. I can fully embrace both the authority and the duty, both pleasurable for me: the authority to please myself with your willing body however I wish, and the duty to make you feel secure in my love, desire, and respect. This may seem only slightly different from what I had before, but it isn’t: it’s profoundly different. Before, I was buying a woman’s obedience with pleasure. Now, I receive that obedience from you because you’re who you are and that’s what you want to give; I give you pleasure and security because I’m who I am and that’s what I want to provide.

None of this explains why I want to command you, possess you, overwhelm and control you as I do. I’m not sure why. I still think about that. But it’s irresistible. You’re irresistible.

Your
Querido